Since today is my birthday, I’m feeling a bit introspective and I wanted to sit down and write a post sharing my thoughts with you guys. I feel like the older I get, the more reflective I am around my birthday {especially since it falls towards the beginning of a new year}. In my twenties, I focused mostly on how I celebrated my birthday, but now I feel that my birthdays are more centered around celebrating life in general – not specific to my special day, but just feeling a sense of gratitude. To appreciate the blessings in my life. To acknowledge the lessons I’ve learned. And to reflect on how I plan to move forward into my next year around the sun.
So I wanted to document a few of my thoughts here…
On Being a Year Older
Before I turned 30, I felt like I had to have everything figured out. I’ll never forget my 29th birthday – I was so nervous for the year ahead and I had many, many, manyyyy plans to hurry and get “my life in order”. (whatever that meant for me at the time…) I put tons of pressure on myself that year. I made drastic career changes that I rushed in to for the wrong reasons (which I’ll talk about in the next section). But, the biggest lesson that I’ve learned in the three years since then is this: Age is just a number and don’t fear the number. You do not have to have it all figured out, because the truth is…no one truly does. And that’s what makes aging so beautiful. With each new year we’re given another opportunity to grow and try new things. And gain wisdom and learn and love deeply…but also to fail and to get up and try again. And again. And again. Being a year older is celebrating another year of living, so you might as well live the life you want. Which brings me to my next thought…
On Facing Standards & Expectations
I could do an entire post on this one but I’ll keep it short. I think we’ve all been hit with not feeling like we’re living up to certain expectations or standards. Whether it be in your career or relationships, we’ve all dealt with feeling like we’re not measuring up. I felt this a few years ago when I made a choice to pursue something based off of an underlying standard I felt to have a more “meaningful” career. It took me awhile (and many therapy sessions) to come to terms with why I felt this way…but also to clearly see what I learned throughout that process. What I learned is that we all have the power to transform our lives at any point, however, work towards the milestones that make you genuinely happy – not what you feel pressured to achieve. I think this also applies to the social norm of getting married and having kids by a certain age. Matt and I have been married for almost 13 years and are not planning on having children anytime soon. We both are happy and comfortable with our decision – but I’ve come across many, many, many people (online and off) who cannot comprehend it.
Live the life you want – not the one you’re told to live…and do it at your own pace.
On Confidence + Insecurities
Each year brings forth a new sense of confidence…and also a new set of insecurities. However, the older I get, the more confidence I have in myself. And not a superficial confidence, but more of an acceptance and love for who I am. Don’t get me wrong, I’m human and struggle with insecurities just like anyone else, but, I’m much kinder to myself than I used to be. I accept my flaws and I embrace growth. I’m secure in who I am and where I’m going. I feel confident in my relationships and in my career. I know that I’m not perfect and never will be – and I’m perfectly content with that.
On What’s to Come
I’m looking forward to seeing what this year has in store. Instead of having a list of expectations or goals, I plan to embrace every moment and challenge that will come my way. I want to live and grow in faith. To try something new. To fail. To fail again. To try again. But the point is to never stop growing, never stop dreaming, and to follow what brings me joy.
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